


Regret

by FanFicReader01



Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: Coming of Age, M/M, Slice of Life, onesided relationship, sed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 18:52:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12823866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicReader01/pseuds/FanFicReader01
Summary: A man travels by train to an unknown destination.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's been 84 yeras since i posted my last fic.
> 
> Not true, but it's been a while. :P Busy with school, CoTS (a story i probably not gonna post here) and lack of motivation/inspiration :P

_Time seems to go incredibly slowly when you’re waiting. Especially if you’re waiting alone._

 

 

The train I’m sitting in is too full. Too full of people I do not know. Faces I do not recognize. Faces I’ve never seen before. Their colours are dull and greyish. Almost like the twisted grey curtains that hang in the sky. If there’s any hope, any positive stop, left for me it surely doesn’t show in the sky.

 

Aimlessly I stare out of the small window I’m sitting next to. Dark trees pass by in the blink of an eye. It’s almost too fast for my eyes to catch up with. Why must they be so exhausted as of late?

Train stations come and go and it all doesn’t matter to me for I have still a long journey ahead of me.

 

\--

 

At one point I must’ve fallen asleep. The deformed voice of the announcer through the speakers wakes me up. We’re having a new stop. I look at one of the signs at the railway platform: GEBOORTE.

It’s not the destination I’m going to. I have to sit and wait patiently. I think I have plenty of time. Yet my fingers impatiently drum on the small table in front of me.

 “Is this seat taken?” a female voice startles me. Quickly I shake my head.

“No, go ahead,” I smile at her and she gives me a faint smile back.

 “Thanks. It’s so crowded here, huh?” she comments. I agree with a small nod.

“Yeah.” I give her a look. She carries something in her arms. From what I understand, it’s a baby wrapped up in warm, thick cloth. Before thinking I ask her how old the little thing is.

 “He used to become three over two months. Gosh, he was so young.”

“ _Oh_ ,” I gulp, “I’m so sorry.” I lower my head and don’t dare to look the woman in the eyes.

 “It’s alright. I’ll take him with me to another stop.”

“Okay. But really, I’m so sorry for what happened to him.”

The woman sighs and a few tears roll down her cheeks. “He was so lively. Even when he came into this world. But alas, he was born sick. Nothing we could do about, the doctors said. I’ll miss him so much. But as I said, it’s alright. Enough about me, what about you?”

 “Me? What do you want to know?” I ask confused.

“Do you still have a mother?”

 “Yes.”

“Did she ever tell you about the wonderful thing that’s giving birth?” the woman asks me. Although it’s a very personal topic, she already told me her story and it’s not like anyone ever asked me something like that before. And it’s not like I’m in a hurry so I decide to tell her.

 

_“When I was born it was snowing outside. It’s not very unusual for a country like this. Yet, my mother remembers this day as one of the coldest in her lifetime yet. But for her it was also the warmest day in her life for she brought me into this world. My dad raced back home after he got a phone call. He was just in time to see ‘it’ live happen. My parents were so happy. And so was my aunt. She was there to help my mom out._

_When my father held me in his arms, he already saw a great man in me: a successful business man with a beautiful wife, like my mother, on my side. My mother saw a great husband and father in me: gentle, caring and loving. Of course with a steady income and a nice house that is. The perfect family picture. Yep, they got it all figured out. Even my name.”_

 

“So, if I may ask, what’s your name?”

 “Jani.”

“Pleased to meet you, Jani.”

 “Pleased to meet you too.” The woman and I shake hands.

 “From what I understand you don’t sound so happy about that event though,” the woman deducts. She is right so I’ll be honest with her.

 “That’s correct. I never wanted to be born. I didn’t ask for that. But so does everyone I guess. But the thing is, is that my parents already planned my future. They already had so much expectations of me. I was barely a few seconds in this world and my parents already thought they could read the future. _My_ future and-,” I get interrupted when the announcer speaks up again. We’ve already arrived at the next train station: KINDERTIJD.

The woman stands up and apologizes for leaving early: “I’m so sorry, Jani, I wished to have talked with you more but I really have to go now.”

 “Alright, take care.”

I see how the woman slowly blends in with the crowd outside and then suddenly the crowd is gone but the train isn’t moving yet. A thick mist starts filling the area.


	2. Chapter 2

~~

 

_A young boy stands alone on the railway platform in the middle of the mist. He looks a bit lost._

_“Mom? Mom? Where are you?” he shouts but there is no one to answer the call except for one girl._

_“Did you lose your mommy too?” the girl with two braids asks the boy. He nods._

_“Yes, we were going on a holiday. But now she’s suddenly gone. Have you seen her?”_

_“What does your mom look like?”_

_“She has long brown hair. Her eyes just as brown. And she has a sweet smile,” the boy informs the other kid who then nods._

_“Smile for me.”_

_“Why?”_

_“If we’re going to find your mom, I’ll have to know what kind of smile she has.”_

_“I-, I don’t think I have a sweet smile,” the boy counters but the girl insists. Eventually he gives in and smiles for her. In the process, his oversized beanie slides over his eyes and the little girl giggles._

_“You certainly have a funny smile,” she chuckles. It makes the boy chuckle as well._

_“Now come on, let’s find your mother!” the girl exclaims before taking the boy’s hand in hers and dragging him across the station._

_“But what about your mother?” the boy wants to know._

_“We don’t have to look for her. Mommy’s not here anymore,” the girl lowers her voice and stares at the floor. “But from what I understand your mother isn’t_ that _lost! So let’s find her!”_

_They both vanish in the mist._

_*_ _*_

_“Jani! There you are!” out of the mist a woman appears. The boy and the girl from a few moments ago suddenly pop up again. The boy displays a bright smile on his face._

_“Mom!”_

_The woman and the boy share a hug before the young boy introduces the girl to his mother._

_“So she has helped you, huh?”_

_“Yes!”_

_“And what’s your name, young lady?”_

_“My name’s Abilene, madam!”_

_“That’s a wonderful name.”_

_**_

_“That was a pretty young lady you met, Jani.”_

_“You think so?” the boy wants to know. His mother nods._

_“Yes. Maybe one day someone like her will be your partner!” the woman smiles at her son but he doesn’t seem to be that impressed. “She would make a good friend, yes. But what if I don’t want to have a partner later?”_

_“You’re still young. You’ll find your partner.”_

 

~~

 

_“Mom, what’s going on? Why are there all boxes around us? Why did we have to pack all my stuff?” Jani wants to know as he stands in the hallway of their house. He’s wearing his pyjamas since it’s past  his bedtime already. His mother looks startled but quickly relaxes again._

_“We’re going to move to another town, Jani. Didn’t your dad tell you?” his mother kneels down by her son and looks him in the eyes. He looks sleepy._

_“I must’ve forgotten,” Jani mutters. His reply makes his mother sigh before she’s pressing a smooch on his forehead. “It’s okay. Let’s go to sleep now, okay? Don’t worry, you’ll get to say goodbye to your friends.”_

_“Wait, am I never going to see the again?” suddenly the seven year-old boy is alerted._

_“Well, that depends. During the weekends dad can still drive you to this place if you want to.”_

_**_

_Blending in with the new class goes easier than expected because Jani has already befriended another boy. His name is Olli and he’s a very cheerful kid. Much like Jani himself._

_Olli awaited him on the playground on Jani’s first day already._

_“You’re the new kid right?”_

_Jani gulped but quietly nodded._

_“Good! My name’s Olli. I’m the watcher.”_

_“Watcher of what?”_

_“Watcher of the New Kids. Whenever we have new kids in our class, I introduce them to the others,”_

_Olli says with a grin._

_“So what’s your name, rookie?”_

_“I’m Jani.”_

_“Nice to meet you, Jani! I believe we’ll be best buddies!” Olli smiles at the newcomer._

_Jani can’t help but smile back._

_"You have a sweet smile,” Olli remarks._

_**_

_“This here is the candy shop. Sometimes I work here too,” Olli says as he shows Jani the coolest places of the school and its surroundings._

_“Why do you work here? You’re still a kid!”_

_“I know. But it’s funny and Lolly gives me some free candy whenever I work here! You should work here too! Then I finally have a partner to talk to!” Olli sounds excited._

_Jani is already persuaded and the second week of his new life in this town he already teams up with Olli in the candy shop. They talk, they laugh and enjoy each other’s company._

_They even talk about their future already. They’re going to become celebrities and live together in a big house. “That way no walls will separate us,” Olli says._

_And Jani wants to believe everything his new friend says. He doesn’t care that Olli already has expectations of him. For him, he’d like to make it a reality._

~~

 

I start to laugh as I look at my younger self. How naïve I was. I’m surprised I didn’t mind planning a future with Olli because he was my best friend at the time and he would be long after we were kids. I wonder what has become of him now.

 

~~

 

_After his parents started having more fights, Jani has taken on a new habit: running._

_When school hours are over he doesn’t always immediately returns home. Instead he jogs around the block and visits his friend who then joins him. And so the two friends like to run together and talk some more about stuff. Mostly it’s Jani talking about his parents’ tension._

_“Do you think they’ll break up, Olli?”_

_“Gosh, I don’t know. Maybe, maybe not.”_

_“Maybe. It’s so strange, though. My mother always tells me how great it is to have a partner. She always says I should look for a nice girl to settle with one day. But it doesn’t look like she’s happy with my dad now. And my dad doesn’t seem to be happy with her anymore.”_

_“That’s strange indeed.”_

_“Let’s talk about something more nice,” Jani decides._

_“Yeah. I just hope your sweet smile won’t disappear because of the current state at your home,” Olli mutters._

_“Nah, it won’t because I have you,” Jani winks._

~~

 

That was true. As long as Olli was around, I wasn’t so sad about my parents’ relationship. My friend kept me distracted in  a good way.

When my parents eventually divorced, I shouldn’t be happy but I was. I was happy because I didn’t have to move again. I got to stay in the old house with my mother. I got to keep Olli. My best friend was still on my side. A faint smile is reflected in the window of the train.

I wonder if Olli would still think I have a ‘sweet smile’ or if he would think I’ve grown old and cold.


End file.
